Break pattern of dating controlling men
When we imagine someone trying to cut their partner off from their support system, we usually picture something dramatic, like the villainous husband in a made-for-TV movie telling his wife that she'll never talk to her best friend again.
But in real life, controlling partners usually isolate you from your community in a much more subtle way.
It was a defining moment that turned around how I felt about myself and changed the cycle of my relationship with men. We all picked up beliefs from well-intentioned people around us while growing up, and they form most of our internal dialogue.
“I played a role in my abusive marriage; my ex-husband was treating me how I was treating myself.” His anger and how he showed it belonged to him; we are never responsible for someone else’s behavior and how they treat us, ever. Some of these beliefs might serve us, but some might be quite detrimental.
New belief: I am good enough, and happiness is my birthright. We’ve all had experiences where the same thing keeps happening over and over with different people and situations. Now I see I wasn’t comfortable with someone treating me kindly and with respect.
The most important relationship we’ll ever have is the one with ourselves.Read on, and remember: trust your own gut, and don't let anyone talk you into a version of "love" that doesn't feel right to you.Love is supposed to feel good — not overwhelming, scary, or stressful — and having a partner is supposed to make you happier, not sadder. Look in the mirror.” ~Byron Katie As I was listening to other women talking in my support group for battered women, I had a life changing moment. So, as I was sitting there in the support group, I realized how I had given my power away to someone else and that I had to take responsibility for neglecting myself. If I had stayed in the victim role, I would have continually attracted the same kind of guy, who in reality would just be reflecting back what I felt about myself. It was time to break the pattern, and break the pattern I did. I gave myself the love that I was looking for, the attention I was craving, and permission to feel happy and have an awesome life. Pay attention to your internal dialogue about yourself.I caught a glimpse of myself and where I was at in life. It didn’t happen overnight, and it’s been quite the journey, but it amazes me that since I’ve raised the bar, the people that show up in my life are on a much higher level. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and say “I love you.” Believe it. There’s no going around it, what you think become your reality.She helps her clients release the layers that are holding them down so they can finally BE the star of their life.Join her community of The Feel Good Body & Mind Group. This is about more than just saying affirmations; it’s about being consistent, setting your intention, and taking action. We’re back in the driver's seat, creating our life, versus reacting to life situations.Example: Old belief: I’m not good enough, and I can’t be happy. Act as that person now, and aim to do this consistently. I did attract lots of nice guys too, but I would break up with them or find them too boring. "The mind is the most skilled Photoshopper -- it can rationalise anything and paint any picture of anyone, depending on our initial perspective. Communication is key." -- Erika Ettin, a dating coach who founded the dating site A Little Nudge 3. "Run from anyone who attempts to cross a boundary that you have set." Examples: * "You have said you do not want to go further sexually and they insist." * "You say you are not available on Sunday, but they push you to see them." * "You are not ready to have them meet your family members or friends, but they push you." * "They push you to date exclusively before you are ready." * "They want to move in or get married or set up a bank account before you want." * "They try to change the way you wear your hair or your clothes or anything else about you that feels like 'you,' and it makes you uncomfortable." -- Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychologist who wrote the book "Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship" "When we see that somebody feels entitled to us doing more for them than what is equal in a relationship, that's a huge red flag that they are someone who uses people. Or the person says, 'Well, I can't right now,' when they're not really that busy. "If you find yourself justifying away what he does or says, even though these feel wrong in your gut, then that's a surefire red flag. "In a good relationship, a couple can and will talk through issues, listening to the other person's point of view and expressing his or her own. It's about expressing how something makes you feel and being heard. "I think [it shows] when we ask somebody for help because we're tired, or we're overwhelmed, or our plate is too full, and that person says, 'Yeah, I'll get to that,' and never does.