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Especially when someone has got used to a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, they may decide enough is enough and that they don’t want to participate in the dynamic. You cannot quantify how much someone cared for you and literally count it up like money, but you can tell by the relationship you were in.
Or they may assume that when they feel good and ready about getting in touch, you’ll be there anyway. However long you spent together, they’ve likely cared to some level but just not to what you needed or wanted. If you felt loved, cared, trusted, respected, why invalidate that memory because the relationship is over and they’re not chasing you like a blue-arsed fly?
I actually attempted to make him discuss the relationship because, you know, it’s what people .
My view was that we ‘should’ be working to be amicable.
While there’s undoubtedly a respectful period, particularly where mutual friends are concerned when it’s the ‘done thing’ not to flaunt your new relationship or your happy single life, there is a limit and a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Control isn’t a word that a lot of people like to hear, but a large part of why we get sucked into wanting affirmations of the other person’s care is that we want to control them, which in turn distracts from ourselves.I was unhappy with him for not pandering to my ego and making me feel better about my decision. They very likely did care about you and possibly even still do, but the relationship is over. You did mean something to them, but you may have different ideas of what that should be.Not moving on with your life does not equate to still caring about someone. Even so, it doesn’t mean they have to chase you around.Years ago when I broke up with my ex, even though it was me that ended it and despite my long list of reasons, I hated that he wasn’t hunting me down to say he missed me.He wasn’t trying to get in touch, or hurling himself on the floor begging me for mercy.If they’re caring about us in the way that we deem appropriate, then it will feel like we still have some sort of emotional tie to them.When they move on or they don’t run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control.We can’t expect them to prove how much we meant and we shouldn’t really expect them to stroke our ego. Part of the reason why we look for validation from our exes and wonder if they still care about us is that we are in pain.We likely haven’t moved on, and we like to think that our exes are also in pain and that they too haven’t moved on.As I listened to myself, I suddenly wondered what the hell I was doing.And then wearily he said, Deep embarrassment struck.